The Evils

A picture here
would be too gross.

Guess what I did today? I'll give you a hint. It involves lots of Clorox cleaner and a vacuum. You would think maybe I was preparing for my parents who arrive in 2 days, or readying myself for the road trip we are all taking to Cali in 4 days. Or maybe, just maybe, enjoying my Sunday in peace. But no! I was (brace yourself) eradicating my pantry of WEEVILS. Notice that the word breaks down into "We Evils." And that is what they are! Just a week or so ago I was talking to Wes's mom about the weevils she has battled in her pantry forever. I proudly exclaimed that "I have never had weevils!" (Cue sinking, sense-of-dread feeling in stomach.) So in they came, through the flour, into the pancake mix, swimming through the oatmeal, chomping on our Falafel mix...

I know what did it. My whole life I kept my flour and rice in the freezer, because I saw my mom do it. She never really told me why. And she never had a weevil problem (obviously), so how was I supposed to even know? Then I was at Target one day and I saw these great canisters for holding flour and sugar. And I thought, "Oooo! How lovely to keep all my baking goods in these canisters. And they will all be so prettily organized on my shelf, waiting for me to bake with them!" I don't really even BAKE all that often, so you know those canisters must have really had a hold on me. They happily came home with me. "Flour, sugar, rice—everyone out of the freezer and onto the shelf!" Just look at them all proudly displayed. Just look at those weevil eggs all nestled in my flour, just waiting to hatch, sitting on my warm, dry pantry shelf...

What does it take to get rid of weevils? More than one would think. Last week we threw away what I thought was a monumental purge of our pantry and stocked up on all new flour and the like (now stashed again in the freezer and fridge). Then a few days ago we noticed a few stragglers, and quickly swiped them into the trash. Then TODAY (I can just hear those tiny weevil eggs hatching as I type) Wes found a fat, happy family taking up residence in the Danish Pancake Mix. Goodbye breakfast appetite! If fact, I didn't eat a single thing today until I had cleaned out the entire pantry and made Wes do a top shelf check. I then read everything I could find on the internet about getting rid of the infestation, and, yes, re-cleaned my pantry.

I have loads of food carefully chosen and stocked in my pantry. And I had to take it all off the shelf, find a place for it on the kitchen floor and counters, wipe it down to assure everything is crumb free, then restock the entire pantry. Luckily I threw most of our perishable food out today (purging round 2), so the wipe down was reduced (if you can call it that). I have a vast and varied array of canned food storage. (2 words: Year's Supply. Let's all cry together.) There was some mysterious stuff going on under some of those cans. Then I had to vacuum each shelf, further ensuring the removal of minuscule crumbs that weevils can happily live off of for years—YEARS (who knew)! Then I wiped down the shelves with Clorox spray, and restocked all of my remaining food. Nothing went untouched. I even rechecked that top shelf to make sure weevils didn't suddenly acquire a taste for dried beans in Ziploc bags, raffle tickets, and paper plates. Still safe there, it seems. Now, I know what some of you are saying. "Lyndsay—don't you try to keep hefty house cleaning efforts to a minimum on Sunday?" Usually, yes. But the ox was in the mire here, people. Only the ox was in the form of nasty worms. And I guess the mire was my whole wheat flour...

Anyway. I have taken every precaution. All weevil-friendly food is in the fridge and freezer (Finn gets to munch on chilly crackers for a while). I have sanitized shelves. And I even read that they hate the smell of sulfur. So YOU KNOW I have open match box sentinels stationed on every shelf (apparently my weevil worries far outweigh my fire safety worries).

I hope those weevils are gone for good. So help me if they return! I will break out the gas mask and ax! Right now all looks clean and quiet in there. But even as I peek into into my dark, empty pantry, I can feel those beady little eyes (do weevils even have eyes?) peering out at me from their hiding places, just waiting for me to drop one crumb, one smidgen of flour, so that they can rush back in and take over.